Tag Archives: marriage

Marriage relationship

I was asked to write a topic on marriage relationship.
First I must admit I am not an expert in this area.
Many of you can join me or contribute your valuable opinions.

I would like to touch on the karmic point of view first.
Lord Buddha had explained that we had been here more than a million times.
If we gathered our bones together, we can pile them up as high as the present Himalayan Mountain.
That means to say we had married with different persons for many life times.

The Taoist master used to say for a couple to sleep on the same bed, it took them a thousand years of good relationship.
It means to say that the chance of getting marriage is not that easy.
Karmic affinity is something that is beyond our mind or thinking.

When we look at the world today, we discover that the rate of getting divorce is very high.
We can only look at a little aspect of saying that one is coming here to pay debt and the other is to collect the debt.
When the payment is settled, they will break off naturally.

However, our Chinese culture has a good way of prolonging the relationship.
We believe husband and wife must treat each other like a guest politely.
We should focus more of the upbringing of good next generation.
By doing so, we need to bear or accept each other shortcomings.

We need to discuss the important family issues and come to a compromise or a better outcome. In this way the tie to get together will gather strength as we grow older.
This will help both parties to live a happier and everlasting life together.

有人提议我写对婚姻关系的看法。
其实我不是这方面的专家。恳請大家也参与提出你们的意见。

首先我想从因果关系的角度解答这个问题。
佛陀曾经解释我们来回这个世间已经不止百万次了。 若我们把骨头堆集起来,它会有喜马拉雅山那么高。
这意味着我们好多世曾经与不同人结过婚。

道家师父曾說能做同寐共枕的夫妻,是因为千年的善缘而生。 也就是说结婚的因缘来得不容易。
因果关系是超出我们的思维和想象。

看看現在社会的婚姻状况,离婚率很高。
从狭义上来解释夫妻来此世是为了还债和索債。 当债还清了他们就会自然分手。

而我们华人传统却很重視延续婚姻关系。 我们相信夫妻要以礼相待如宾客。 並且注力于培育下一代。 因此我们要能忍耐或接受对方的缺点。

对家里的事項通过商討和互相迁就,来达成更好的结局。 这样夫妻的关系随着年龄增长会越来越牢固。 並能扶持对方,过着快乐生活白头到老。

Comments :
Marriage and relationships–perhaps the most complicated part of our lives. And yes, the debt collector does come to visit ❤ to collect as we are to pay the debts that are owed. And as we get older, we sometimes discover that perseverance, tempered with long lasting love in a relationship is very important. I know that I have. Blessings, Master Chow ❤

How to please our own and everyone’s spirit ?

Karmic affinity binds us and the whole world together. Our spirit uses our body and mind to experience the love and pain that we are going through from the endless beginning until now or even going through the endless new future and beyond.

Who are we and why we are affecting one another so much? This net that joining us together has so much influence on everyone of us. To have a golden age together we need strive very hard to drop or let go the sensuous sorts of enjoyment and our desires. We need to observe our mind and live in a honest, truthful and meaningful life. To live in happiness and peace will please our own and everyone spirit. ( 2 cents opinion )

Comments :
Yes sir…be a honest ,meaningful and truthful life…thanks

Please don’t go too near to the young monks and nuns

I read a story about the young handsome monks and Rinpoche disrobed because the women love to marry them in Taiwan. As a result these disrobed monks and Rinpoche have difficulty in earning a living. From young they are trained to recite the sutras and do chanting. So they have not trained with live skills to make a living. Eventually they rock the boat and leave behind by these women who tempted to get married to them.

Please don’t go too near to the young monks and nuns. Once you mislead them to disrobe, this will be the biggest sin that both of you have bear after this life. It is indeed a seriously matter.

Comments :
This practice is going everywhere….I don’t think we will find any monks, Rinpoces and Khenpos with pure followers of Buddha…I may be wrong but I fell so…


It is very sad to know this. They don’t bother about the future karma that will hit them


Not a positive thing–for anyone involved…


Desire is poverty. Desire is the greatest impurity of the mind. Desire is the motive force for action. Desire in the mind is the real impurity. Even a spark of desire is a very great evil.
— Sri Swami Sivananda

Learning and practising spiritual way is plain and tasteless

I was talking to my student while we were having dinner together with other friends.

He told me whatever I wrote in fb page most people who read the postings had never changed. So I asked him why. He said it is difficult for people to change their karmic bad habit and behaviour without accumulated enough of merits in the past.

After listening to him I got to agree with him. First I noticed my student who was talking to me still stuck with his old habit. I also heard a student still buying stock and shares and also go to the casino twice a week. I also realised my Tai Chi students preferred to read news of movie stars personal life, how they get marriage and divorce later after a short period of times.

Learning and practising spiritual way is plain and tasteless for there is no excitement and fun. Eating and drinking out with friends and gambling away give them a lot of fun and excitement.

Comments :
Intelligent people need not necessary have wisdom. If they lack wisdom, then it is their fate. So we need not border too much about them. If the time come for them to change, they will change, if not, it will never be.


Knowledge you can acquire whereas Wisdom is realization


to change one person old habit can be easy if we have patience to understand oneself bad habits than we need to have will and patience to changing to the good. Then it will be easier to see ourself as person. For me i can see i have changing every month when i try to contemplate back on time. this is a good way to know ourself more..today i still have some bad habits that i try to change but its take time.


anyway thank you for your posts full of wisdom. i think many people read it, and if they don’t change now, at least they got seed of changing in future, hope so. 🙂
Master- he and you both are right but people change bit by bit. Transformation cannot be done like flipping a pancake. It is a gradual process. I am influenced by your fb- bit by bit, maybe the transformation is even smaller than that but I am Ok with that- so far as I am changing in a right direction- I am pleased with the change. I am happy to have you in my life even though it is in fb world. Maybe one day I will meet you in person. Till then you are there in the fb. Thank you. Happy Father’s Day.


Thank you

May be politicians should examine the educational, cultural & political systems

A young girl of age 26 was talking to me that at her era now, she could see so many changes in life and people are mostly interested in making money and have no more moral values and responsibilities.

Boys and girls love each other during courting time and once they got married, the boys would spend time scouting for other women and some women did the same thing. During her parents’ time, they still tolerated each other and came to a compromise to stay on so that they would not effect the emotional part of their next generation and they just accepted their fate and lived on as happy as possible together.

Now she is so afraid to get married. No wonder there are so many singles living on their own in this world. Countries like Japan, Singapore, Korea, China and many other developed countries are having the same problems.

They have no faith in believing in religions. They want to spend their time with the computers or staying late in Starbucks or at some noisy areas to tire out their bodies before they go to bed. Then the next morning, they would drag their heavy bodies and sleepy eyes to go to work. Living in this life has lost its meaning.

May be the politicians should examine into the educational, cultural and political systems and make some adjustments to cater for the young ones.
( 2 cents opinion )

Comments :
All over the world, flirting becomes popular. Everyone likes it. People begin to think that simply working hard round the clock has no meaning and spend one’s time at least for a short time, will get them emotional and psychological pleasures.


The world is experiencing great changes over the past five decades. There were great economic changes in countries from under developed to developing to developed countries. The women’s liberation brought about higher education, higher social status, social independence and finacial independence. The fabric of society have also changed, women that stay at home as housewives now start working in factories and offices, earning money. Women now spend less time at home with their children. The imparting of family values, moral values are lacking. Now the domestic maids have taken over as standin moms, from different countries, with different values, some too young to have moral values also. Women now in many developed countries are in par with men in social status, they become less tolerant on family issues, they want more say in family affairs, etc….
For the men, now they will have to help out in the house work, taking care of kids, cook, etc….
Two decades ago, the booming internet era, computerisation, mechanisation, automation, the advance of social media, change the life style in more ways than ever, be it in workplace and or at home.
Social media have provide opportunities to meet many friends, many chance to interact, changes the way people behave, changes the expectation, etc…
With money, people start to buy and enjoy material things and entertainments, life style change, they don’t want to tie down themselves in family life, the lack of commitment, and also due to stressful lifestyle. These have also taken away our monthly expenses, making marriage a second option.
Sometimes, conflicts in relationship, lack of communication and understanding, inter family conflicts also affects relationship.


Well said.


It is the lack of respect of each other. Seems that the theme keeps returning to a lack of mutual respect for the unfolding and development of each of us on earth. If only to beging at this fundamental point much of the rest would fall into it’s proper balance. When we we only respect out of fear and simply blindly obey nothing can develop. How can one love another if fundamental respect is missing. Perhaps this is crossing all borders and all religions? Somehow humans succumbed to valuing each other always in a materialistic way forgetting that you cannot buy or trade love and compassion which is the source of life. However, humanity is beginning to do some real soul searching. I believe that the overwhelming organic evolution of humankind will lead us to discover the enlightened being within ourselves…for this we do need the teachers to lift the guiding lamp….Thank you for your wonderful posts as always


Here in the west many young people come from broken homes or single parent homes and haven’t had good examples on how to build relationships. My parents fought all the time, if they even spoke to each other at all. Not surprisingly, I’m divorced and have had several failed relationships. It took many years to learn on my own from my mistakes. Kids learn by example and their education begins at birth.


Very well said.


I think mutual repect as husband and wife is very fundamental also. But modern society have change all that, the role model in the family is all outside making a living and the grand parents are staying far away to impart the civil and moral values. So youngsters today lack the role model to follow.

The real true self doesn’t affected by our emotional body

One day a husband made his wife very angry. The wife was raged with hot fire and steam. All of a sudden she saw a motionless self behind this burning self. The still self saw the fire burning the body in front, killing so many body cells.

She began to realise that the real true self doesn’t affected by this emotional body which is in anger. In fact she feels grateful to the husband giving her such a real experience in discovering her true Buddha nature.

I use to employ such method to check on to my 5 poisons that existing in me.
This is how wisdom can be developed from here.

Comments :
True. During meditation came out of my body and experienced it. So I know that I am not the body.


Interesting that I was just cleaning up a small bronze violinist as in your photo remembering with fondness how it was presented to me as a gift from my parents…I love the sculpture in the photo and I hope that discovering the Buddha nature inside will soothe all anger ..lovely posts dear teacher!
Really, Thank you this is very true. Discovering that true self or Buddha nature existing regardless of what goes on especially existing regardless of the challenges to oneself simply for the right to exist as one’s authentic self . That pressure to examine is a gift I agree. One discovers infact an entire network of relationship throughout time perhaps even before birth and there we enter unknowing we are to carry or solve the burden born into. It is a tremendous awakening when meaning and time resonate and the form and topography of their resonance is a landscape of family or cultural history. Maybe, Teacher, that is the view of landscape from the mountain, sitting awesomely still.
After two years of not being moved from the mantel I picked her up just this morning and washed her off setting her aside for a new journey. Thought your post was synchronistically timed! Thanks it really is a pleasure to have these surprises!


She is doing well in converting the negative feeling to positive one


Beautiful…body can affect but soul doesn’t


thanksss master~amitabha

Wife and husband is prearranged by our karmic affinity

Message From Reader :
I hope your next post will have msg dating couple breakup and the good msg you give will help her feel better inside ., your wisdom and choice of words u used can really make us change and make us feel so good .
A lot of times I felt sad but read your post I quickly get out of the bad situation.
You are a divine deity in disguise of a human being on earth.

Master Chow’s Reply :
Getting together to be wife and husband is prearranged by our karmic affinity. There is no such thing as this couple can end up happily. We can say that we continue from the past marriage to the present one either paying debt or receive goodness from the other. At the later stage it needs both the husband and wife to build up an happy ending.
There is no such thing like marrying a wrong person. Normally it is strong feeling that attracts you to court a person. And finally end up to build a home together. It is best to treasure such a matching.
One day while walking along a market place with a few naughty friends, I was also another naughty one too, I saw a young lady standing at a stall helping her mother. I pointed at her and told my friend that this young lady would be my wife. She is my debt collector. So in this life time I have to pay as much as I can for her. Without my strong spiritually training it can be tough to be with her. You need to make an effort to complete your lesson in this so called marriage affinity. There is not much choice. If you break this up you still have to remarry the same soul again in the future life until you have passed your lesson. So don’t ever divorce to escape the marriage.